I started a new job today, hence the celebratory sloppy Big Mac. Yes, I celebrate with fast food. Greasy, cheesy, God bless America fast food. But I can top that steaming, slippery pile of patriotism. I celebrated Independence Day in the most American way I knew: 
In a swimming pool. Toss in some ice cold High Life and a couple of beach balls and you've got yourself a guaranteed good time. Oh, and don't forget Mom. Mom, who thought that if she drank her bottle of wine only half a glass at a time she wouldn't get drunk. There was an abundance of penis talk, fiesta dip, and Mom refilling her little plastic cup. Sugar Butt Angel Face took part in the fun, too.
As for my peaches, they were glorious in red Esther Williams lycra, although a little itchy by the end of the night. Mosquitoes have no regard for holidays.
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