B1: Happy not to be squeezed into the sports bra at the moment

My hooters found themselves submerged in a salt water hot tub this weekend. Twas nice. There is nothing quite as satisfying as sitting in a hot tub, drinking Rumplemints, and watching porn. Well, the porn was shortlived because the hag who lives at the house and is supposedly married to my friend turned it off. Later, when I was jumping on the trampoline drunk (insert thanks to guardian angels here for not letting me bounce smooth the fuck off and snap my neck, because while that would be kind of a funny way to go, I don't want to die in my Esther Williams swimsuit, it could bruise her rep and she doesn't deserve that), the Hag climbed on and decided she and I should have a heart to heart. This mainly consisted of her telling me she wishes her husband would fuck her more and that is why she turned off the porn. Umm...would you like to screw someone who turned off your porn in the middle of your hot tub party? I sure wouldn't.