P1: Emulating

My friend GEORGE writes about his relationshits all the time, so I thought I would do my version. Plus, I wrote this in an email to a friend this morning and realized it was kind of funny and a very accurate example of how I deal with boys. It isn't the right way, it is just my way.
Ok, so now for my Pad Thai date with a virgin.

Mistake 1: His name was Kip. Seriously.
Mistake 2: My nerdiest friend told me this guy was a nerd, and not in a good way.
Mistake 3: He wanted to cook dinner together for our first date (the pad thai, which he had never made before.)
Mistake 4: I drank too much beer while cooking.
Mistake 5: I ended up making out with him.
Mistake 6: I continued making out with him even after he told me that he was a virgin and had broken up with his last girlfriend (a month previously) because she wouldn't sleep with him. (Hi, my name is Ryan and I have a tattoo on my forehead that says "feed me beer, I'll bang you)
Mistake 7: I went on a second date with him.
Back pedaling 101: At the end of our second date he said that he felt like the first date hadn't even happened (read: the making out part) because I hadn't been as warm (read: given him a hand job) on the second date. I pulled the "I am not looking for a boyfriend" card (read: I get drunk and screw a lot of people, don't want a relationship cloud hanging over my head showering me with guilt) and drove off as quickly as possible.

Someone should give me a good Samaritan award.
He really was a nice guy, loves Jesus, and going to serve the public in the future. Too bad my sex appeal wrangled his better intentions to the ground. Damn these fun bags and their magical charms.