B5 plus Shelf Bra: I really am going bra shopping this weekend

I have worked in several offices, although I have worked in my current location for the longest so it is my best frame of reference when making judgments about offices in general. In the length of my tenure, I have realized that there is a set of unwritten rules followed by the majority of office employees.

Let me share a few:
1. Ask mundane questions to fill dead air and fulfill illogical social norms on Monday mornings.
2. Never stand still long enough to hear anyone's answer to your questions.
3. Women: tell everyone about everything you have eaten in the past 24 hours and what you plan to eat in the next 24 hours. Be sure to include a calorie count or Weight Watchers point value.
4. Men: loiter around the receptionist's desk, make irrelevant small talk, and be sure to lean oh-so-casually and smirk the entire time you are struggling to make eye contact.
5. Go to the basement to take a dump in the building's public bathroom, because taking a trip down there at the same time everyday is much less conspicuous than just shitting in the less public office bathrooms.
6. Be certain that you are up to date on all current prime time reality television programming, such as Dancing with the Stars and American Idol, so that in between diet conversations you can argue with your co-workers about the validity of judgments on the programs as well as the possibility that the programs are rigged while dismissing any possibility that none of it matters. You know, in the grand scheme of things, i.e. THE STATE OF THE UNIVERSE.
7. Decide: Is Hilary a bitch or is Obama a Muslim? Remember, you must subscribe to one belief or the other.
8. Burn everything you put in the toaster.
9. See if you can beat technology: every time you send an email, walk briskly to the intended recipient's desk and tell them that you just sent them an email. If you arrive before the email, feel free to have an extra Girl Scout Thin Mint at lunch (35 calories, <1 Weight Watchers point!)
10. Disregard anything your mother taught you about being greedy. If you see cake or cookies anywhere in the office, be sure to hover around them until someone can tell you who they are for and whether or not you can have some. If you choose to indulge, be sure to chase those emails! If not, make sure you explain the restrictions of your diet to anyone within earshot.

I am glad that Corporate America is such a good paying madame. My paychecks work as quite the salve on my wounds of Tedium and abrasions of Annoyance. (I know, my prose is down right poetic.)