B1: Mine are better fed than Alba's

Odes to Bodaciousness: Trading haikus with another bookish friend about our beloved body parts.

T:

Titanic lovely breasts
Creamy white orbs of heaven
Bounce house fun for all!

Massive mammary mixup
Get in between, lose your way
You know you want to.

and A:

A luscious full moon sits soft
Envied, high, sated in self
I wish it were mine.

Round, bouncy, buoyant, big.
Attractive to some people,
My ass is lovely

Speculation

Justin Timberlake is the type of man to pull your hair but whimper in your neck. This is not a bad thing.

B1: Wet with sweat, then rain, then shower

And...now I am clean and dry. IMing with drunk people makes me want a cocktail. Rainstorms make me want to watch movies and hump. Alton Brown makes me want to eat eggplant and hummus.
I get to go to Utah in 15 days. Does that make you jealous?

Does this make you want...

Japanese strawberry-flavored gum?

Mom used to be a gymnast, but there were no Ziploc bags near the balance beam

"I am about to be there, but I don't want to park and get out. My foot hurts."
"Why?"
"I didn't tell you? Did you see the skid mark in the kitchen?"
"Uh, no."
"I fell down."
"In the kitchen?"
"Yeah."
"When? What on earth were you doing?"
"I am surprised you didn't hear me. Yesterday morning. I was putting something in a Ziploc bag and fell down."

Helpful Hint 1

If ever you are surrounded by Puritans and feeling overwhelmed with their righteousness, just imagine the goosebumps that would cover your naughty bits if Mike Rowe would just whisper dirty things into the back of your neck. Naked.

P1: Damp, but Swaddled in Michael Kors

There was a monster in my bed this morning.

She smelled like Fritos and liked it when I rubbed her belly.

B1: Restored confidence, refreshed sense of purpose

I sweat so much at the gym today, my iPod got wet. That’s right. I am so sexy when I work out that I turn on electronics. Wait. Was that an entendre plus a reverse? I am so sexy and clever.
I wore eyeliner to the library today. Waste of make-up, you say? That is just because you haven’t had to sit quietly for 8 hours praying that someone would just come ask you a question. Any question. Even a stupid question. Wouldn’t you rather ask a pretty person a question than someone who looks like a Gibb Brother, smells like tuna casserole, and is sulking through hangover?
Oh, and bonus point on my Propriety Card for wearing an undershirt so my cleavage doesn’t show through my t-shirt despite the fact that I feel like I have too many clothes on.

Rewind: Saturday Night, Corset

Saturday night, as a means to bounce back (pun very intended) from my bout of Unrequited Love, I strapped on my trusty corset and hit the town. Let me be the first to wan you that when I put that corset on, the Earth pauses to catch it's breath. Yeah, seriously. The planet has to catch it's breath. I have shed a few pounds since the last time I wore it (insert good for me comment here) and was surprised to see that I looked less like a fat girl making use of antiquated, tortuous devices to pull a little tail and more like a hot piece of ass whose waist was meant so that an admirer could get a better grip while motor boating his/her way to delirium. Because honestly, anyone faced with my fleshy delights in the corset would have to display record-breaking self control not to nuzzle. I must also admit, thought, that I was a little nervous about bringing all that sexy out in public. I kind of looked like a cartoon and was unsure whether or not this was a good idea. While I am not afraid to stand out in a crowd, I also did not want to get arrested for indecent exposure. Hooters get you free drinks, but they also get you side glances from dirty old men, jealous twiggy blonds, and sneaky cops just biding their time until you are drunk in public and they have an excuse to manhandle your satiny skin. Heh. Coppers on my satin pillows.
I did choose to wear the corset. I did get some side glances as well as the attention of everyone in the bar. Unrequited love? Psh. In the corset, you will requite my love anyway I give it to you.

W1 36 DD; Unappreciated, but standing firm and hopeful

The truth is, a bottle of champagne, 8 Pabst Blue Ribbons, and one Jager Bomb did nothing to ease the sting from a slap in the face by Unrequited Love.
Another truth is that the smell of cheap coffee and the sound of proactive students lobbying for new bleachers is no way to face a Saturday alone and hungover in a library.